Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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