if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
