She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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