How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
worst night to have a conscience
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I supernannyed him into submission
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
