I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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