i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
