sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
