I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
