turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
