**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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