Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
