I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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