hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
