I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
