You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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