How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
