based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
