We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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