I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
