I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
