Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
