I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
