He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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