hotel room ftw
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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