We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
