it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
