Sorry, I don't speak sober.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
