so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
