just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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