one might say we're banned from that church
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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