Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
