dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
organizing the empties. That sober.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
