I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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