Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
