my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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