you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
