Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
