I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
