I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
