I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
