$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
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