I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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