Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
