If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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