so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
