Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
