There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
