fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
