God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i think im in europe. pls send help
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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