I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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