The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
even my farts smell like vagina
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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