Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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